Dating Guide

The Four Criteria for Choosing a Partner: Comfort, Being Loved, Security, and Intimacy

• 2026.09.24

In international matchmaking consulting, the most frequently asked question is: "What kind of person should I choose?"

The checklist of conditions can be very long: height, education, income, nationality, personality… But what truly determines whether a relationship can last often comes down to four core feelings. They aren't written on paper, but they are engraved in the heart.

Criterion One: Comfort — Being Yourself Without Pretense

A Comparison

I've seen two kinds of cross-border couples.

The first: the woman spends two hours doing her makeup before every video call, chooses her words carefully, afraid of saying the wrong thing. She says: "I love him very much, but I'm so tired."

The second: the woman appears bare-faced, says she's sleepy when she's sleepy, says no when she disagrees. She says: "I love him very much, and I'm at ease."

Which one can go further? The answer is self-evident.

Comfort is the first criterion for choosing a partner. It means: when you're with this person, you don't need to pretend, don't need to please, don't need to be constantly on edge.

Comfort is the foundation of a relationship. Without a foundation, even the most beautiful building will collapse.

Criterion Two: Being Loved — Felt, Not Just Heard

A Detail

The three words "I love you" are easy to say, but truly being loved is a feeling.

Being loved isn't grand, dramatic romance—it's the steady, flowing care of everyday life. He remembers the food you like, notices when your mood dips, worries when you're sick, feels proud when you succeed.

Being loved is being able to confirm: in this person's heart, I matter.

Here's a simple test: When you face a difficulty, who is the first person you want to tell? When you're happy, who is the first person you want to share it with? If that person is your partner, then you are being loved.

Criterion Three: Security — A Sense of Safety and Reliability

A Story

There was a woman whose partner came from another country. Someone asked her: "Aren't you worried about a long-distance international relationship?"

She said: "No. Because he has never failed to do what he promised. He said he'd video call every day, and he does; he said he'd save money to come see me, and he did. His promises are my greatest sense of security."

Security is the feeling of "I know he won't leave." It's not control, not restriction, but a stable trust.

In cross-border love, security is especially important. Distance easily breeds unease; time zones easily breed suspicion. But a reliable person will use actions to dissolve your doubts.

Security is the anchor of a relationship.

Criterion Four: Intimacy — A Connection of Body and Soul

A Distinction

Intimacy is not just physical closeness—it's a meeting of hearts.

I've seen some cross-border couples who video call every day, but all they talk about is "Have you eaten?" "Are you asleep?" "What did you do today?" That's not intimacy—that's habit.

True intimacy is: you're willing to open your heart to him, and he's willing to show you his vulnerability. You can share your deepest fears, your truest dreams, your most private past.

Intimacy is the soul of a relationship.